If you know Nick and me at all you know that we are a pretty open book. We will share just about anything with any body...one on one. We aren't much of a spill your guts over a social media platform. I guess you could say we are pretty transparent people. Sometimes this is too much for people...and we are okay with that.
I have received text messages, phone calls, emails, messages on Facebook and Instagram asking what in the world is going on with us. Some have seen that we have been selling stuff and have asked if we need money... or if we are moving again. So to better explain what is going on...I decided a new blog post was in order. It's going to be a long one.
First let me say that anxiety is a real thing. It can make you fear things you never knew you could fear. It is debilitating and can keep you from enjoying all of life's exciting moments. Some people live their whole life with anxiety while other people's anxiety comes with circumstances or because of life events. Many will say, "oh snap out of it," "get over it," "it's not that big of a deal." Until you have really lived with it...you don't understand it and have no place to offer this type of advice. Know that my heart is with you if you struggle, have struggled or will struggle with anxiety. There is hope.
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Many of you know that Nick and I have a call upon our life to be in ministry together...this desire only grows stronger each day. Many of you also know that I was a Children's Pastor here in California. Back in January/February I started to feel like my time was coming to an end at the church. Nick had already been feeling this but I put it off to the fact that he just so badly wanted to be doing ministry and not working for Apple like we was. He and I both decided that we would apply to a children's home here in California where we would be houseparents together...doing some sort of ministry...TOGETHER. We went through the interview process and was offered the job. The same day that we were offered the job just hours later I was let go from my pastoral job at the church. In the church of the Nazarene the board/pastor has the opportunity to renew or not renew their pastors...in the meeting I was told that the board chose not to renew. There was no reason given. I am not going into great detail about this because its not a necessity and would do more harm than good. There are amazing people at that church...and God is on the move (that is exciting). Sometimes in order for a vision to take place people have to move out of the way and allow it to happen...it was my time to do just that. The amazing thing that we must focus on in this situation is God's timing...the day we accepted the job...was the day I was let go. God PROVIDES PEOPLE! (ok rant over).
Nick and I were excited to start this new adventure together...we couldn't wait to get started. We wanted to show the girls that were living in our home what a family looked like and most importantly we wanted to share the love of Jesus Christ. We knew we would be rejected, cussed at every day and had the possibility of getting hurt (physically). Nick and I were trained on restraints because the behaviors of these kids were so bad. Their trauma was so deep...sometimes the triggers of this trauma would happen at night. Nick would sit outside of the room of one of our girls until she would fall asleep so that she would feel safe. Safety was key in our house and Nick made them all feel safe. He was so good with the girls...they loved him and bought into him almost immediately. I loved to watch him interact with them. It brought me so much joy...and my love for him grew deeper. We had some really terrible days and we have so many stories that we could tell. Then we had amazing days where the girls would laugh and dance...our house was a house of dancing. Everything revolved around their trauma and if I told you some things that these poor girls have had to go through you would be terrified. It was hands down the hardest job either one of us had ever had.
Nick started to feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious due to so many circumstances that were happening in our home and the group home as a whole. I then started to have these same feelings and then I got sick...terribly sick. I had a horrible stomach virus and even after my IV and the doctor telling me to drink pedialyte (I couldn't keep even that down). I didn't eat for 7 days and was sick for 10 days. To top it off...Nick also got the stomach virus. This is when everything started to spiral downhill. We both became super anxious and could not bounce back from being sick. Our minds were racing and were all over the place. I was stuck in a cycle. I wasn't afraid of the girls but I was afraid to go into work. We tried to escape it on our off days but even then we couldn't fully because we lived in the home. There was a night when we had just gone off of our week long shift to have a week off and we had to come back on shift because one of our new employees got upset and walked off the job. We tried so hard to get away that relief...we went to San Diego...yet our minds were racing and we still couldn't shake the anxiety. The night before we quit our job I was threatened with a piece of glass. Even though I wasn't scared...my anxiety got worse.
The next day I was scheduled to go into work at 5:30 am.. I didn't sleep but maybe 2 hours that night...I was up every hour with anxiety and when 5:00 am hit I was a mess. I couldn't pull myself to go into work. Nick and I made the EXTREMELY hard decision to quit our job that day. We questioned where we would go, what we would do and how we would make money. We immediately thought about our friends from our old church and we called them up. Without hesitation they told us to come on and that they were ready for us. So thankful that God put them in our life for so many reasons...we have been blessed by them more than they will ever know or begin to understand. Thankfully before we started our job at the home we purchased an 18 foot travel trailer from some friends...this is now what we call home. We have been able to have full hook up on our friends beautiful property. Some days corners are tight...we have had to adjust in so many ways but I made a killer dinner last night! We will be doing a video (MTV Cribs addition soon).
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So why did we sell so much stuff.. yes we needed money...but it also forced us to become minimalists over night! We had the opportunity to go through all of our stuff and either keep it, sell it or throw it away. It was actually freeing!!! There is this Netflix documentary called Minimalists and while that is to the extreme we took one thing away from it...If it doesn't add value to your life do you really need it. It hit us... we had SO much stuff...and now we had no where to put it. It has made us so grateful for the things that we do have. Nick and I made money...and we can pay our bills and eat another day.
So what about jobs?! Nick sent so many resumes...50+ and made phone calls. I sent resumes and filled out applications. We were frantic and every day we would ask each other "are we going to make it," "are we going to be okay?" It was scary but we knew that for our health we HAD to walk away from the job and FULLY have faith in Jesus. He provides in ways that we can't see. Nick got a job! AND that same week that he got the job offer...I got a job offer (actually the very next day). In less than 3 weeks time we both were employed. Nick started his job this past Monday and works for Penske Auto Group. I start my job August 15th but will start training July 25th. I will be a 1st and 2nd grade teacher for a Christian Academy.
So what about us working in ministry together??...well that is another blog post.
Thanks for keeping up with us!
The Joneses
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